Celebrity Gossip
Unflinchingly cruel with a wit as sharp as Nicole Richie's shoulder blades, no celebrity can evade 'The Boss of the Goss', Sheena McGinley.
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Celebrity Big Brother is Enjoyable, Shocker
07 January 2009
It could very well be the temperature of 103, coupled with the cocktail of prescription meds (thanks to John and Alicia who looked after the gossip yesterday, as I was lapsing in and out of consciousness down the end of my bed. You can't honestly say you've had the flu until you've considered not leaving said bed to perform certain unfortunate bodily functions…), but I don't mind openly admitting that I'm fiercely enjoying this year's Celebrity Big Brother.
Monday saw the torturous "talent show", which only served to highlight Mutya (ex-Sugababe who really needs to learn how to remove the harlot from her wardrobe) as the lone person in possession of any. It also made me wonder how in the name of Jaysis Michelle got away with being in Liberty X for as long as she did (then again, that stumpy blond fellah also made the grade).
This spectacle, however, was blown out of the pond by last night's offering involving the celebrities swapping personalities with a partner, which lead to the most unabated bout of good natured bitchiness. Choice examples included Coolio as Verne, baaing: "I'm a grown man, I can look after myself, leave me alone" (a comment uttered while Coolio was circling the sitting room on Mini Me's scooter). Then there was NUTS glamour model Lucy Pinder (as Michelle) pointing out to Ben (playing Ulrika, he used to be in A1...) that he was in need of a navel wax, to which he replied: "At my age I just can't be bothered". A personal favourite, however, was Michelle chirruping the following as Lucy: "This guy approached me on a beach and offered me loads of money to get them out… so I did, I've earned LOADS… but I'm actually really shy and timid", all while twirling her hair in a suitable affected manner.
As if that stark truth wasn't enough for Lucy to swallow, she also learned that 'head of house' Terraay 'The WORD' Christian found her to be the most talentless individual in the house. She, alongside Ulrika, who Terry deems to be in possession of the most inflated ego (I reckon he tried it on with her in the early ‘90s and she rebuffed him) and Ben, who lacks integrity apparently, were all herded off into a teeny room to watch the remaining house mates state who they wanted to save. Ben was the obvious choice, leaving Ulrika and Lucy up for the public vote on Friday. Why Davina needed a crowd of people surrounding her for 2.5 hours to inform us of this fact is still unclear.
Last night’s highlights: Michelle crying in the diary room after Coolio kept inferring that herself and Ben want to maul each other, saying: “He's making a big deal aboot nothin'!" (bawling in the diary room is making a big deal about nothing, love)… The look on a scooter bound Verne's face when Big Brother asked him "stand up" to reveal the name of the house mate he wanted to save… La Toya ensuring that no one asks if she was married, for the fourth day on the trot, by telling Ben her horrific story about how she was forced into marrying her manager, which resulted in bouts of physical abuse. No wonder she resembles a spooked meerkat. What we can expect tonight: a half naked Terry getting an oily rubdown.
Oh the Wonderful World of Celebville
06 January 2009
So there are many pros and cons of being a celebrity. First off one can't step out side the house without a swarm of paps hot on one's heels shouting questions and showering you with compliments. Also there is the amount of free stuff and the pampering treatment. Well Celebrity Big Brother is no different, unlike the normal pleb version where people are recorded in the shower and the toilet doing the most embarrassing things, our celebs are treated like royalty. I have been studying this new habitat over the last few days and here is what I have observed. There are no cameras in the toilet and the shower is covered up, now personally I would not like to see Terry Christian sitting on the bog but Ben from A1 in the shower......mmmm. Ulrika - ka - ka Johnson is not filmed wearing her ugly gum shield at night, so I was subjected to countless taunts about train tracks as a teenager but no one can see her with a shield in her gob, if you ask me she should wear it 24 hrs a day so we don't have to listen to her! The luxury bedroom was allocated on a first come first serve basis, convenient that Latoya Jackson was the first in then eh? In some random news from the house Coolio has asked Big Bro for some laxatives as his bowls are slightly blocked up! Wow!!
-Alicia Coyle
Dancing On Ice Stars Revealed
06 January 2009
Another year and another celebrity reality show. This one though I really do like. Dancing On Ice returns to our screens on January 11th. Jane Torvill and Christopher Dean still the fantastic mentors and the ever handsome Philip Schofield and newly preggers Holly Willoughby present. So who are the fantastic 13? They are as follows: Roxanne Pallet - Jo from Emmerdale, she did that singing yolk as well didn't she (somebody’s got a reality TV problem!!) Zoe Salmon - The Belfast presenter from Blue Peter, Melinda Messenger - ex page 3 turned TV personality now, Jessica Taylor - ex Liberty-X singer (I feel a reunion coming on) Coleen Nolan - Loose Woman presenter, Gemma Bisix - Nasty Claire from Hollyoaks but most recently played Claire in Eastenders. For the boys there is some seriously hotty totty. Jeremy Edwards - he used to be in Hollyoaks, Holby City and was also engaged to Rachel Stevens for a number of years. Todd Carty and his moley birth mark - aka Mark Fowler from Eastenders, Ray Quinn - Xfactor finalist like 10 years ago, Graeme Le Saux - former England Football player, Ellery Hanley - Former rugby player, Donal MacIntyer - investigative journalist and finally, Michael Underwood - a contestant on last years show but broke his leg in the first few shows and the poor sucker seemingly wants to test if the broken bone has healed.....personally I could think of a lot easier ways to do that.
-Alicia Coyle
Paris Hilton Enjoys London. A Little Too Much.
06 January 2009
Oh Paris Hilton, what a ridiculous person you are. Sometimes I have difficulty remembering that she's actually a real human being and not some sort of cautionary tale invented by mothers the world over to warn their daughters about the dangers of growing up to be a pompous arsehole. Some might say that making fun of Paris is trite and simplistic. They're right. That's exactly why I'm doing it.
Paris has recently been in the UK as part of a new reality television show in which she is holding tryouts to find her new best friend, in what is sure to be one the most painful television series in recent memory. Paris, god bless her, has taken something of a shine to the UK even going so far as to say that she wants to name her first born daughter London because she wants her daughter to grow up with a quaint British accent.
Hilton was quoted as saying that she'd "love to have children in the next two years. I'd like three or four of them". Now, one would have to assume that Paris is aware of the logistics of having four kids in the space of two years and that it's next to impossible unless she has twins but let's not get too caught up in the nuts and bolts of the issue.
A model of fiscal prudence, Paris said that "there are a lot of great things about being me. The day before I came to the UK, I spent £30,000". One would have to wonder if that money would have been better spent beginning adoption proceedings for some sort of ethnically diverse child. Hey, it worked for Angelina and Madonna.
-John Balfe
Katy Perry Splits With Travis McCoy, Shocker...
05 January 2009
Seemingly their two-year relationship has hit the skids "after weeks of arguments over her busy 2009 touring schedule" (AKA since she's become way more famous than him). A rep for Perry said: "It's a hardship, but she's regrouping", while Travis McCoy of the Gym Class Gimps chose to post the following rap(??) on his blog:
"My friends always tell me how I'm lucky to possess
The best looking girl in the whole U.S.
But every time you scream, you blow your finesse
Tryin' to dis the Profess-
Or twenty-four hours of acting sore
Sometimes I wish you'd come down with lockjaw
So I don't have to take in the breakin'
You treat me like a burnt piece of bacon
It seems like just two years
Back when we were bonded and not pierced
But now I keep itchin' to jet
Sitting in the chair just to stare, set to sprint
Yo, sweetheart, you better take a hint
I say it now like I said it before
I'm lookin' at the front door
We fight every night, now that's not kosher
I reminisce with bliss of when we was closer
And wake up to be greeted by an argument again
You act like you're 10"
That some profound sh*t right there. And it's OK *ahems* 'Profess'... you are not alone. I too wish she'd come down with a thorough bout of lockjaw.
All I Know Is That There Were Rumours...
05 January 2009
That the first day back to work after the holidays is always a blow to the system… That's probably why my fevered fingers are trembling over my laptop as the rest of my being hacks out another backbreaking cough (on the upside, I've the luxury of being tucked up in bed *wriggles*)... That I hope 2009 has been treating you all well thus far... That it's been particularly kind to James Corden as he's nabbed the lead of new US based comedy called Road to Hawaii... That Seth Rogan is quaking in his Crocs... That I don't get the allure of Corden, especially after his recent poor performance on The Big Fat Quiz of The Year... There’s also a hum of 'try hard' off him and his abilities are overly hyped, much like Gavin and Stacey... That his fans have his new film Lesbian Vampire Killers and a new series of his sketch show with Matthew Horne to look forward to... That Katie Holmes has spent in the region of $15million in the six months she's been living in New York, during her stint on All My Sons... The New York Post has described her as 'Manhattan's Most Valued Shopper', saying "She has been valiantly doing her bit to boost our economy"... That Rihanna has been seen brandishing a large sparkler on her ring finger so now it’s presumed the 20-year-old is engaged to Chris Brown... That Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson have split after a punch up at a hotel in Miami on New Year's Eve... Things kicked off during Ronson’s DJing gig in Set nightclub, with The Mirror reporting: "After moping like a kid who'd had her toys taken away, she stormed out. But when DJ Sam, 31, didn't immediately follow she bawled: 'When I storm off, you're supposed to follow me!'"… That's what every 31-year-old wants to hear... That, of seeing Ronson eating at Sunset Tower Hotel recently, fellow diner Courtney Cox said: "Why are people so fascinated with celebrity? I don’t know… Do I wanna know about her (Ronson)? Well, yeah, a little bit. I do. What’s the deal? I haven't quite figured it out myself"... That Jennifer Aniston said: "Men come and go but there really is no relationship like the one you have with a dog - and then they don't live as long as they should. You have to say goodbye way too soon. It's just so sad. It makes me so sad. But their love is unconditional and I love that"... That Kylie Minogue is dating a Spanish model called Andres Velencoso Segura... That Britney Spears' brother, Bryan, has married Jamie Lynn Spears' manager, 36-year-old Graciella Sanchez... That the pair only "started dating seriously recently"... That La Toya Jackson had a clause written into her Celeb Big Brother contract stating she wasn't to be filmed without make up... That I thought she'd insist on no close ups either... A source said: "It should come as no surprise that La Toya is in one of the best rooms. Producers tried to suggest that the bedrooms were on a first-come, first-served basis but they were well aware that La Toya was going to be the first celebrity entering the Big Brother house. To suggest that this is a coincidence is a bit much"... That Verne Troyer's ex-wife, some 36-year-old ex-Playboy fodder, said: "Verne is the sweetest, most caring person in the world when he is sober. But if he starts drinking a whole different side comes out. He can be very moody and irritable when he is drinking. And he becomes like a dog on heat. He will start hitting on every woman in the house if he is drunk"... That Michelle Heaton would want to watch her back…
John Travolta and Kelly Preston's Son Dies
03 January 2009
John Travolta's 16-year-old son Jett was found dead on Friday (January 2nd). He was John and Kelly's eldest child.
Jett was found unconcious on the bathroom floor of the family's holiday home in the Bahamas by one of his carers. It's believed that he hit his head during a seizure.
An autopsy will reportedly be carried out on Monday.
Cruise Continues To Be Weirdly Enthusiastic About Everything
02 January 2009
Tom Cruise has spoken publicly about his desire to raise more children. Cruise has a two-year-old daughter, Suri, with wife Katie Holmes and the actor is also dad to Connor, 13, and Isabella, 16, whom he adopted with ex-wife Nicole "I'm a dancer! I love to dance!" Kidman, who can currently be seen annoying the piss out of the Irish population in that terrible Chanel television commercial.
Cruise told The Sun "I want 10 children. I love kids". He said that his 2 year old daughter is "just great" and that has made him want to increase the Cruise gene pool quite considerably. One has to wonder, however, if the Cruiser has run this idea by his wife yet because she's the one who has to spend 5 and a quarter years of her life carrying Tom's 7 imaginary unborn children.
Sources say that if Cruise doesn't get his wish he's going to protest by spending all day at home in his underpants and "Risky Business the crap out of the place"*.
*This quote may be entirely made up.
-John Balfe
Top Showbiz Stories of 2008: No. 1...
01 January 2009
Heath Ledger's Overdose
Between Michelle Williams and his family discussing Matilda's financial future, the release of The Dark Knight, and Mary Kate Olsen being subpoenaed by a federal grand jury on April 23rd (and her subsequent request for immunity); Heath Ledger has been with us all year - even though he died on January 22nd.
The story written on January 23rd went as follows: "The destructive behaviour of celebrities, which often culminates in death by overdose, sadly isn't a new phenomenon. Marilyn Monroe got the ball rolling a number of decades ago, Judy Garland, Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin, Jim Morrison, John Belushi, Kurt Cobain, River Phoenix, Chris Penn, Anna Nicole Smith and her son... we could go on and on. And it's not just a 'folly of youth' thing, either - Ike Turner died of a cocaine overdose recently. Indeed, it's not something new, but how we're dealing with it is. The front cover of this week's Heat magazine wears the headline 'Britney: Dead in Six Months.' Then there are websites like whenisbritneygoingtodie.com and whenwillamywinehousedie.com. If you get the date right you win a PS3 or an iPod Touch... Life has become so superficial, it's only a matter of time before we come full circle and we're back in Roman times - deciding if those trying to survive under the public's glare live or die… Who is to blame? Us for buying the magazines? If we collectively ceased reading headlines, would the press wheel stop or would they just start pushing more salacious content? Heath Ledger was found with sleeping pills and antihistamines beside his bed. He was reportedly suffering from pneumonia. The police and his family have both stated his death could've been accidental. Many media outlets, however, feel the need to ignore this, instead opting to report that 'he was found naked.' Big whoop, he was in bed, lots of people sleep naked. 'There was Xanex and Valium found on the premises.' Perhaps, but they were not in his room and could've belonged to anyone as the apartment in question was not his. Are these outlets intent on tainting a memory?... Who else can we pin this on, the celebrities themselves? They asked for the fame and thus the constant glowering intrusion on their lives, yeah? Or how about their parents; those that court the media unashamedly, providing updates on their child's battle with drugs, brokering deals with magazines for first dibs on pictures of their 16-year-old daughter's baby, or constantly shoehorning their children into starring in reality shows? Or how about Western societies where religion plays little part in lives anymore. Famine and hard graft are things of the past in our part of the planet, so we sit at our desks all day trying to keep our brains occupied... Surely the Internet isn't to blame?!... Ok, so nothing's been answered, I've just gratuitously ranted for the last 5 minutes and will probably take this down shortly after posting. No doubt Paris Hilton will do something else fantastically vacuous at Sundance tomorrow and the celebrity wheel of fortune will trundle on."
The inquest into Ledger's death was closed on August 6th. According to Now: "Mary-Kate's lawyer insists that she 'had nothing whatsoever to do with the drugs (painkillers Vicodin and OxyContin) found' in the actor's home or his body, and a verdict of accidental overdose was returned at the inquest."
Top Showbiz Stories of 2008: No. 2...
31 December 2008
Manuelgate.
Not going to say much about this as it's still all too fresh in our minds... It was a stupid thing to do but it was TOALLY blown out of all proportion by the media. The story broke at a time when the economy was scaring us, we felt we had no control over anything, so the general public latched on to something "outrageous" and throttled it to death with their opinions.
No one involved has faired too badly, though - Russell's off in America, becoming best mates with half of Hollywood and reportedly getting his own Comedy Central show. Jonathan Ross, according to his TWITTER, is having a great time being suspended (watching Sex and The City boxsets apparently. Shoddy season 6, no less). Andrew Sachs' granddaughter is now directing pornos instead of just starring in them (she's also rumoured to be in Celeb BB staring on January 2nd *shudders*). AND Andrew Sachs himself has reportedly landed a role in Corrie playing Norris's mate.